Semakin jauh kita cuba lari dari menyelesaikan masalah, semakin dekat ianya datang menghampiri kita.

Ini kisah dua minggu dulu-dulu, terkilan sebab I've been studying business maths for the past 5 hours and I feel like it didn't get any of this shit in my head. I hate pulling an all nigher but it seems like tonight is the tonight. I wish i was a super genius. with just one look at the notes all the formulas will is in my mind butttt nooooo I have to reread 500000 more times before I actually get one thing down. God lets hope I don't fall asleep in finals tomorrow. past its past, tapi tetap teringat-ingat. ;(

And for several times and Again, tell to my love blog my heart said.

I don't know how should I start. What should I write. Everything was mixed up.Sad, disappointed, that's what I feel. I just want to cry. Because that's the only way I can do it right now. terasa lemahnya aku sebagai perempuan) I don't have any strength to overcome this feeling. I feel very down and giving up. Yurp rasa bersalah sebab ponteng ke class untuk kesekian kalinya,tak ada siapa yang menghalang, emak hanya berharap yang aku tau perkara tu betul atau tidak. thanks mother. T_T Maybe its call "kawan" did know what was happened to me. I know, some would say it just a small thing and it was me that make it looks complicated to solve. But I don't care what others want to say, because it is my feeling and it was what I have dream for a long time. korang apa tau?

I feel so overwhelmed, gonna fail so badly. I haven't studied since the beginning of the holidays and i should this is my only chance i can catch up otherwise im fuke-d. How can i motivate myself to study for the next one month, sekarang aku amat memerlukan sesuatu yang boleh memotivasikan diri, jauhkan aku dari kawan-kawan yang cuba menjatuhkan semangat yang sudah jatuh. Ya Allah, it seems that my life is jumbling up and down lately, and in some point of time, I feel like running away to some deserted place and start anew. I really hope that you'll give me guidance and patience in living my life,so that I didn't live in the life where your blessing wont be given..

Ya Allah, thanks for giving me a very understanding and loving family, they were the greatest thing that I had in the world, my parents,my siblings,and my closest friends, they were the strength for me to keep on living, and more importantly, without your love, I'm just a useless human. i admit it.

Ya Allah,i really need you. do give me the strength to study hard in my studies, to get good result in my examination, to get rid off my bad manners, to set up good examples in front of my siblings, to become a good daughter, to become a really understanding and great friend and to become a true muslim.

Ya Allah,

you are the only one that really understands me. T__T

suka ke ? tak suka ke ? kena buat juga -_-

hello korang , remember me? good morning monday. yeah im kinda emo tired now, cause im lacking of sleep. yeah im the one who hasn't really been around much lately due to being stressed out my eye balls with studying calculate paper. Dulu subject spm yang aku paling benci and now i really dont know why like hell I taking international business. lots of calculate. Ok sudah terlambat mengenang nasib, nasi dah jadi bubur. nak tak nak , nak tak nak. study hard not smart menjadi pilihan hati even segala note disiapkan dua minggu awal, tapi study macam orang yang bajet bangun awal duduk di meja makan (malang rumah sewa tak ada meja study) dari bangun subuh sampai lewat malam, bontot sampai kematu duduk di kerusi beralaskan kusyen lembut. thanks to partner intan also ayu ! (first time tido satu katil, satu bantal dengan awok ) *and i know both you read, my blog !

*tulisan yang atok lawa ni bukan aku punyer, haidar yang punyer :P

and segala penat lelah kita tak terbalas dengan paper yang susah, owh my dear lecturer, bukan anak didik mu tak study tapi... crying deep T__T . hanya mampu tawakal and life must go on untill next one month in final exam ! cepat la habis semester ni.

yeah hasil curi dan copy .

haidar jangan nak suka sangat. even last exam on Sunday! bangla pun pergi klcc on that day taukkk . ;D

tempat student paling geruni bila exam, jantung macam nak tercabut, prefer exam di class dari sini ( chancellor hall ) -_-

setengah jam sebelum exam, mesti aku dengan si kembar nama dengan aku 'syafinaz zakaria' akan sesat dalam chansellor hall ni. melilau tak jumpa seat padahal dah bagitahu no pintu, no q and seat. tapi hasil nya, kami yang nyanyuk ni pergi ke tempat lain, dan bila semua orang sibuk pandang macam kami dari planet lain kami terus berjoging secara perlahan untuk cari seat. hahah tak apa exercise sebelum paper akan membuat kan otak berfungsi dengan lebih baik. -_-

And the most paper end of maghrib .

* search from google.

gambar tiada kena mengena! tayang, kolej aku depan tesco extra . hahha ko hado ? :p

yes, eva aqilott. tomey kan muka orang dah habis exam ;)

fyi exam di kolej aku tak sama dengan para ipta sekalian, even mid term kami dilayani seperti final exam. Exam will he held at chancellor hall, have a entrance slip, got a pack schedule and the like most exam hanya akan berlangsung untuk tempoh seminggu satu or dua hari jer, so jangan terkejut la everyday got a paper ! ;D bye

*** degree life make me so different like before. chaiyok einaz ;)

studying on my next broken heart .

Dear diaries : tuesday 27/12/11. 2.27AM,

pandang skrin putih yang hanya ada document Microsoft word, lots of assignment. Submitted date yang paling awal ialah international marketing, subject yang memerlukan otak diperah sekuatnya, no copy and paste said beloved lect Sir Aroon from somewhere at overseas-_- but on my mind its empty. Minimize the Microsoft word, click mozilla and tell to blog my heart fell .


This is for the broken heart. I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. You don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. You don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them.


And everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. That's the confusing part, you don't know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most. And then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you're getting happy again, but you know inside that you're just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you're back to where you were an empty soul and teary eyes. You thought you got over them, but really, you just stopped showing it. And you can't help but to show it again.


It leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever. And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happened to them And even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don't know the true pain you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you've had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you're to the point where you don't care who see's. Because you've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection.



And in the midst of all these tears, you know that its not helping any, and it's not going to bring them back, if you ever even had them in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. Everyone says, "It will be okay…” But you know it won't. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realize that people are horrible.



You're still hurt, but you've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay. So now every time you see this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don't hear it. And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this... and now studying on my next broken heart

Not everything's gonna be picture perfect
muka buruk, hati renyuk . bye .

Let it snow.

every semester bila sign attendend class, mesti lecturer akan tanya, Syafinaz are you mix? *rasa nak senyum tapi soalan tak terhenti disitu. "why your father name is THOMAS? lamunan terhenti ingatkan lecturer nak cakap why your face look like panasian, bluekk taiikkk perasan sekejap. dengan senyum ala-ala payau aku cakap, my father was sarawakian, and he convert to islam and he got a new islam name shah rizal and add to old name thomas. and thats why my father name shah rizal thomas -_-


sebelum ni ada cerita sikit pasal family ayah aku kan ? bagi siapa yang terlepas ley la scrool ke bewah banyak-banyak-banyak sampai lenguh hahahahha ;D tapi tak adalah aku sekejam tu kan ? haha mai aku cerita skit pasal asal usul family aku, ayah aku berasal dari sarikei, serawak. Dulunya dia beragama christian and the whole family dia are christian, after STPM dia jadi police then kena transfer ke Johor. Masa dekat johore ni la dia terjumpa someone aka abang angkat dia yang banyak ajar dia pasal islam, dan dia convert to islam 1985, then 1986 he meet my mum, so not a reason he convert to islam because of my mum. Lepas ayah convert to islam ramai kaum kerabat ayah convert to islam tapi bukan sebab ayah ! antaranya

my cousin kak azlin :) dia artis kebudayan dekat kuching .. cantik kan ? ;D

the most beautiful cousin nia aka Nia Angie Theressa Danielda :P dia memang islam but her mum convert to islam , macam aku la dia ni . amboiy yang cantik semunya macam aku gagagaga

ok in advance chhirtsmas kan tak lama lagi, huraiay cuti hahaha, nama pun satu Malaysia tak salah kita nak wish perayaan setiap kaum kan , bagi mereka yang menyambut hari natal mai aku nak nyanyi skit . hohohoho

We wish you a merry Christmas,We wish you a merry Christmas,We wish you a merry Christmas, And a happy new year! hohohoho .

to my loveyly cousin yang menyambut Christmas day.



agnes helina. cute tak ?



and she is Jen, orang cakap muka aku kalau tak pakai tudung ada rupa macam dia sikit . ;) ala dah nama pun kitaorang cousin kan ..


nanti dapat banyak hadiah post dekat orang semenanjung ni ye ;D bye ;)

review product : Nano White :)

betul ke orang cakap, orang putih rupa dia tak cantik mana pun tapi bila kita pandang sekali, kita tetap akan cakap,"eh cantiknya orang putih tu kan? dan dengan selambanya aku cakap, sebab kulit diaorang tu putih, sebab tu nampak cantik. tapi tak semestinya orang tak putih tu tak cantik la -_- sekarang ni banyak sangat product pemutihan, termasuk aku sangat taksub dengan product yang ada tulis whitening, tak percaya ? nanti aku review semua product yang aku pakai. eh kalau sempat la ye nanti :p sebelum ni selama 8 tahun aku setia dengan product safi. dari safi aloe vera, safi balqis last sekali aku pakai safi perfect 10. tak puas tengok dengan hasil tu, aku sekarang tengah test try cuba pakai nano white ! It's my dream to use normal off-the-rack skin products. Finally there comes the chance.

untuk permulaan ni aku just guna Polishing Renewal Exfoliator. yang ni paling best, sebab Kalau da sebut exfoliator tu rasenye sume da tau kan? Bagi yang tak tau tu, exfoliator ni fungsi die membantu menanggalkan sel kulit mati. time nak apply tu kene biar kulit kering. Lepas tu baru bilas dengan air bersih, nak lagi best guna air suam. Kulit akan terasa lebih lembut & halus. betu tak tipu. lepas tu pencuci harian aku guna Awakening Snow Wash, aku guna setiap kali nak basuh muka, pergh cepat la habis kalau macam ni kan hahaha. Yang paling tak sabar nak pakai adalah pelembap nano white ni, pelembap dia tak berminyak langsung, bila pakai rasa sejuk memang jadi pilihan hatila kan. kulit muka pun rasa lembut je guna pelembap ni untuk melembabkan kulit selembab jeli aku try Cell Moist Whitener. And lastly aku guna sunblock dia ni pun senang je nak apply dekat muka. tak berminyak pun kulit muka lepas guna.So ratakanlah di seluruh muka untuk menghalang muka kita daripada burn nama dia omega day shield tu aku pakai setiap kali kuar rumah. yang ni aku suke sebab jarang aku jumpe krim yang ade spf 50++ kau tahu :)

now i trust to Nano White, babye babye Safi Balqis Perfect 10 ;D

gambar yang tak di edit langsung , malah di bagi zooom sikit ;) scar, warna kulit tak sekata semua berlaku ;(

Tapi masih dalam tempoh percubaan, tapi aku dah mula perasan perubahan tu, ke aku yang perasan santan sendiri ? hahah. ok la kalau dah menunjukkan hasil yang ketara aku bagitau korang yer. mintak-mintak la berkesan aminn ;) have a nice weekend korang ;)